from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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