on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
