weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
