i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
