Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize