do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
