This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
