remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
