The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
