she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You made out with two different species that night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I know her cup size but not her name....
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