All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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