I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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