It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
