apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
