Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
