I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
