OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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