I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
