Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
