soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
