Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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