Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
