I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
