I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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