it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
