this boner is exhausting
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize