alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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