I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
