So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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