Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
