I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
