Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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