shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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