he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
