he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We had to coat check the pizza.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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