Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
