I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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