im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He did a backflip because drugs
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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