thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
