What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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