I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
