my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
