1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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