Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
