i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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