Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
