As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
