i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
