the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just forgot I was standing up.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
