I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
