This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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