Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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