oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize