We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
