Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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