I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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