My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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