There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
