I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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