I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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