Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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