His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
