Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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