Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
