Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
