So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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