hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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