Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
