Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
