I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
