I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
