He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
