Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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