And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
